In God, we trust
The safest place for yearnings and romance.
Good Lord, who is this fine man?
I was scrolling through my socials a few weeks ago, careful not to get too lost in the digital noise as always, then I came by the page of a certain son of God, with a gorgeous signature smile recurring on his posts. From a video, I could tell he had a healthy sense of humour. Another video confirmed he could hit a note. Few other pictures, and I realized he is no try-hard-to-be-good-looking, he simply is. I see you, brother! A friend's humorous, yet wise counsel came in handy on the spot: “sometimes, it’s best to admire and move on.”
Precisely, that was what I did. I could have hit the follow button because he seemingly had a walk with God and nothing would be wrong with that, but I resisted fanning into flames whatever conjured within me for those few seconds I was on his page. Phew! Well, truth be told, some days are easier than others, but overall, God gets me through every wave of (male) attraction that seeks to throw me off the handle, especially because I’m not ready.
I’m a romantic. Always have been, always will be. Hopeful or hopeless romantic? Maybe a healthy dose of both. Hope is a cord undeniably tied to romance, isn't it? I just know I love love love. Hey, have I already mentioned LOVE? Thankfully, I don’t idealise romance as much as I used to. A point came in my life when, having become a believer, I had to renew my mind from the facade and lies I’d subscribed to over time, especially from the entertainment industry. God redefined many things to me, of which love is one. Through the lens of Christ, love is more. It is not reduced to a feeling that one falls in or falls out of. It is sacrifice. Commitment. Responsibility. A choice. Therefore, embracing romance where I’m at currently in my journey comes with a lot of factors, most of which, like I said, I’m not ready for.
Nonetheless, I often yearn for a romantic relationship—a partner, a significant other, my own person, and the colour they will bring to complement my already colourful life. Most certainly! Especially because I’ve never been in a relationship, on purpose (most people find that hard to believe). Regardless, my spirit yearns to receive the gift; my mind, the connection; my body, the consummation of the one-flesh union (in marriage, of course). Alladat stuff.
The reason I yearn for one is because a romantic relationship is different, in that it is romantic. This kind of relationship thrives on a different level of affection, devotion, desire, excitement, connection and shared adventure that is peculiar to the individuals involved. I, for one, admire the exclusivity and intimacy. But, having come to realise that as amazing as a romantic relationship promises, when void of God’s principles, it often leads down a destructive path.
Recently, I found out that many romantics like myself are filled with optimism, yet lacking in trust. Trust? Well, yes, trust. In God. Two things—first in His provision, and then His timing.
God’s provision.
Do you believe that a godly partner is inclusive in God’s system of provision? If He’s a father who knows how to give good gifts—who would not give stone for bread nor snake for fish (Matthew 7:9-11), how much more should we trust him!
You know, many who are oblivious to God’s provision may take for granted the resources and people whom God has placed in their lives, and not appreciate the part they play, whether or not it leads them to their potential partners. God’s provision comes in unlimited ways, but my emphasis will be on community.
Marshall Segal calls community “the third wheel we all need.” He writes, “We all need a third wheel — in life and in dating — people who truly know us and love us, and who want what’s best for us, even if it’s not what we want in the moment” (Not yet married, 171). I couldn't agree more! That discipleship, sisterhood, brotherhood, you may have going on for you, is instrumental beyond the scope of finding the one.
If anything, I’m grateful that in this season where I’m learning to trust God in this area, I revel in the bond I share with great friends and family. If I'm being honest, asides immorality (which I’m not open to), there’s nothing different I would be doing with a partner I’m yet to be married to, that I do not already enjoy from these people God has placed in my life. Love? Counsel? Kind words? Gifts? Support? Terms of endearment? The relationship with others is not a substitute, but a great essential, with or without a romantic relationship going on for you. God’s provision is a safe place for yearnings and romance, you can choose to trust him by embracing his provision.
God's timing.
“He makes everything beautiful in His time…” (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
The honest truth is some will meet their partners early on in life; others much later; another when they’re are not searching; some, when they are actively looking. The peculiarity of our dealings is nothing short of God's wisdom.
On some days, the longing for a romantic relationship will gnaw at you and it may lead to questioning God, circumstances or other people. As a matter of fact, not too long ago, my Dad, in clear terms, told me it was alright to introduce a guy to him, as long as I don't neglect my priorities. He was hinged on letting them (my parents) be involved if I soon start seeing someone. Although it was somewhat comforting and interesting to have such go-ahead, I soon began to feel like that conversation was a gradual breeding ground for the pressure to “bring a man home.” The pressure wasn't my Dad’s intention, it was all in my head. If I allowed this seeming pressure get to me, guess who will he taking matters into their own hands soon enough? Me. And this is far from what it means to trust God.
So, trust in God’s timing is paramount, because whether earlier or later, God is in the details, and his will is perfect; his plan, good. Unless we trust in God’s provision and timing, if romance comes earlier than expected, we are likely to make a shipwreck of God’s intentions, whereas if it comes later than expected, we may think God is holding out on us, thereby giving in to frustration or settling for less than God’s best.
Therefore, let the redeemed of the Lord who yearns for a romantic relationship stand tall, together and say, “In God we trust.” Herein is an everlasting safe place ❤️.
Hey guys, I hope this meets you well. I fulfilled the promise I made in the last newsletter! Most of y’all who took a guess were right: the ‘ship’ was a relationship. The kind you must have thought about 😂. Hopefully, you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Feedbacks are always welcome!!
Yours in Quality Time,
Adebola🦋.
Talk about God’s timing - I met my wife on a subway platform. Wasn’t even looking for anything. A hello from two strangers seven years ago has turned into a home, child, and a beautiful marriage. This was divine doing.
Such timely words. It's how God leads me to the most timely writings on this app.
I spent quite a bit of my day daydreaming 🤣. Thank you so much for this❤️