November pathways

Recent events, blind spot, and a much-needed awakening.

Photo by Maddi Bazzocco on Unsplash

Holla! Yes, I have an explanation for being AWOL (absent without leave).

For a start, how about I reckon that defaulting isn't the fruit of the Holy Spirit? I'm calling myself out. As I should. Truly, I apologize for defaulting without prior communication. Quality time proposes running a biweekly newsletter plan, but almost a month went by without any, and there was no word from me. That wasn't good enough. Please, I'll do better next time. (P.S: Jokes on you if you hardly noticed👀). 

Right. So, what has been happening? 

Well, November pathways, baby. You know, as proud as I am of today's seemingly well-crafted title, I'm hardly proud of some pathways that ran through my life this month. I want to let you in on some of these pathways. Ready?

Distraction

Complaints

Mindless engagement

Discontentment

Ingratitude

Inconsistency

Emotional stress

(Let him who is without sin be the first to cast a stone. Just saying). 

First of, let me begin by saying this is by far my most notable November yet! I don't think I have a “special” memory attached to the month of november of past years. It’s not January where the year practical begins, and a sense of resolution and newness is thick in the air; nor is it May that reminds me I’m growing older. It’s not February, April, July, or December as well, which are months I tie some form of sentiments around. Am I the only one who does that? Don't get me wrong, every month has God, and therefore, good in it. But some months stand out to us than others, don't they? Either for good or bad. November, 2023 was one of those for me. It felt like five months in one. Hence, my context of notable.

So, I've had a lot going on for me these past few weeks—tons of events where my active participation was necessary, and a peculiar transition from the familiar to the unfamiliar. Notably, I was trying to balance a new semester in Pharmacy school with the season I'm currently in. This is the point where I sigh, tsk, and say, “Pharmacy school? A newsletter prompt for some other time.” As at the time of writing the first draft of this post, I was juggling assignments, different lab reports, and prepping for two tests on a course that has made Psalm 121:1 my go-to Scripture. Did I sign up for this? Pretty much. Anyways, please, say a word of prayer for me right now, if you can. “School,” like my friends and I would say, “has been SCHOOLING.”

However, for the most part, I experienced great moments this month, the highlight being reconnecting with family and friends during my grandma's funeral. It was surreal. Reflecting on everything now has brought me to a place of deep appreciation to God, unlike when the events were unraveling. I didn't savour some of these priceless moments because I had spiralled into some form of autopilot slumber—going through the motions with little or no quality engagement with my life. Who else hates how autopilot feels like some kind of default sometimes? Because it trips me up too often, I have added it to the lists of weights to lay aside.

Also, I realized that the distractions I dealt with are traced to the fact that I haven't been engaging my system of accountability, discipline and reminders as I should. With so much God gave me, I did so little. I wasn't a good steward of my time, giftings, resources and relationships. Although my devotion to God didn't take the backseat, I don't deny that I had a series of mindless engagement—faltering at the command that says to love God, not just with ALL my heart, but with ALL my mind, soul and strength (Matthew 22:37).

Significantly, I dealt with writer's block, too. With an already crazy month, going through this added to the list of my worries, not gonna lie! Wrote potential newsletters midway, no evidence 😂. Ideas that would normally flow and diffuse into satisfactory, coherent writing became an uphill battle. I've heard it said that sometimes, writer's block for a Christian creative could be a pointer to the fact that such individual is relying solely on their own strength, with little or no trust in God, the source of inspiration. I couldn't agree more because that was exactly where I was many times this month—lacking in trust in God.

The thing about being in a state of autopilot is that existence feels more mechanical than spiritual. What it does is that it makes you, a being of life, feel more like some machine lacking the essence of lubrication. Life, that's supposed to be lived one day at a time with eternity in view, feels automated—going through the motions with little or no significant progress and impact. Thoughtlessness, ingratitude, weariness, to mention a few, are some tendencies associated with being in a state of autopilot.

Upon conviction of my recent inadequacies, I couldn't be any more grateful for Yahweh’s throne of grace, where I found help in dire need, especially at the point where it felt like I was sinking. My head under water, but I wasn't breathing fine. No offence, John Legend.

Moreover, in the midst of it all, God's unwavering faithfulness stood out the most to me. Emphasis on unwavering. I witnessed tremendous answers to prayers—God exceeding my expectations. A few things I had committed to His hands prior, resulted in mind-blowing testimonies. Unfortunately, because I had slipped into autopilot, my gratitude was more halfhearted than heartfelt.

There were disappointments, too. But I'm glad when they came, they met me prepared. I already experienced a much-needed awakening, that resulted from a heart-to-heart conversation with Holy Spirit. He had revealed the state of my heart to me: how that my heart is home, but my mind, adfrit. He revealed that my rhythm of reflection has been awry. A while back, reading a book by Gary Chapman, titled “Sacred Pathways ” brought me to the realization that I had the spiritual temperament of an ‘Intellectual.’ That is, one whose adoration to God is unleashed through a stimulated mind. Therefore, engaging my mind as a part of worshipping God and growing in Christ is the way I connect best with the Lord. 

Finally, would you help me bring this newsletter to your preferred close? Because, honestly, I don't know how best to do that today. There’s still a lot I’m figuring out. Even as I think about the demands of the coming weeks and preparing for exams in the midst of Christmas/New year, I’m tempted to slip into overwhelm. But, consciously I choose to rest in God, encourage myself in Him, with this line from a Maverick City song, “One thing I know; one thing I found...God will work it out.”

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🦋. Going through stress, yet maintaining beauty.

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Hey y’all. I’ve missed writing to you, and hearing from you on this space. Thank you for reading, and sticking with Quality time. Please do well to share this post. For the holidays, no promises yet, but I won’t go MIA again without communicating.

Let's have a summary of your own November pathway in the comments, if you'd like to share. Until next time! God's blessings ✨.

Yours in Quality Time,

Adebola🦋.