About a week ago, I had a hearty catch-up with my best friend. With both of our schedules packed in this phase of our lives, that call felt like a much-needed sigh. We spoke about those good things we once prayed for that now feel a little overwhelming. Life was life-ing. Gracefully, yes, but fast, almost…unpredictable.
A day or so later, my girl served us some fire pictures from a family event. Her outfit on point, glowing from head to toe, giving “minister of enjoyment.” I was so glad she got to take a breather to enjoy the moment, really, amidst all she’s currently navigating.
One of my other close friends saw the pictures on Instagram and said to me, “So-and-so (my best friend) just dey flex...”
I laughed about it in agreement because it truly looked like soft life. But I, who had some context, couldn’t help but think about the highlight reel thing. How we look at someone’s post about a new job, vacation, proposal, wedding, a full house of friends, etcetera, and we begin to compare.
We scroll past these moments and start to measure our behind-the-scenes with the highlight reels of others. Their carefully chosen angles (which are really what highlight reels are by the way). Carefully chosen angles. It is the reason we want certain poses, specific lighting, and the right captions. Sometimes, it's not even out of vanity.
That same week you did a photo dump with soft life aesthetics: outings, snapshots of food you couldn’t pronounce, your perfume collection, or fingers interlaced with your person – might also have been the week you cried the most, felt the most pressure, or even doubted yourself. But you still showed up to post one or two, maybe just to lift your spirit a bit. And that’s okay. Honestly.
My point is what we often put out there are curated moments. While some others put out candid moments, either way, it is still not the full picture. Sometimes, we even call people who offer some context “over-sharers,” or say they’re trauma-dumping. Yet, there is always more to the whole story. Even people you're living with might not see the full picture of all that’s going on in your life. How much more people on the social medium?
Still, when we’re the ones scrolling, we forget that everyone else is choosing their angles too. We forget that behind every dazzling photo or flowery caption is a context we (and plenty of others) don’t always see, and we begin to compare and rob ourselves of the joy that wasn't dependent on anyone's timeline.
These highlight reels are great. There’s nothing wrong with them. But even in our lives, we have bloopers, rough drafts, long edits, or deleted scenes from our own highlight reel. So maybe next time we scroll, we can remember: others do too!!!
Finally, to end this little “think piece,” I hope unhealthy comparison stay as far from us as possible. Also, may we stay present in our journey, because that’s where the real story is unfolding.
Can I get an Amen?
💌: Hello everyone.
I do hope that all is well on your side of the biosphere.
I’m currently writing exams, so the next couple of weeks might not be very linear when it comes to publishing. But please know that there’s so much sitting in my drafts. Promising stories, reflections, and pieces of my heart that I truly cannot wait to share with you.
As the Lord approves, all of it will unfold in due time. Thank you for sticking with me. 🫂
Oh! Also —
Yours in Quality Time, Adébọ́lá.🦋
Really beautiful write up.
My pastor once said that “comparing yourself to other people is putting a limit to what God can do in your life”.
I really enjoyed this 😊
Well done Debola❤️
“Comparison is the killer of joy”