It is what it is—

Friendships, seasons, and a couple of things in between.

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

Recently, my twitter timeline lost me on some conversations centred on friendships. Interesting perspectives, yet I couldn't seem to navigate the source of the flow. There’s something about knowing how something begins, it’s one of my sentiments. I guess I’m quite genesis-oriented. I’m usually curious about things like “How did it begin?” “how did you guys meet?” Like that. But that’s besides the point.

Right. So, there was this time when my friend and I were having a conversation over the phone centered on friendship–not our friendship (though we do this to communicate expectations) but the concept of friendship in itself. In the avalanche of honest thoughts she shared from the core of her heart, one particularly stood out to me: “It is what it is.” That part!

The context of that phrase had more to do with the realization of these two sides of the same coin—friendships and seasons. Giving it some thought, it held a promising narrative, so I put in some work to organize my thoughts, and here we are a few weeks later.

“It is what it is—friendships, seasons, and a couple of things in between.” Emphasis on ‘a couple of things in between’ because can anyone fully describe the multifaceted concept that is friendship? I know I cannot.

With that being said, I’ve loved friendships for as long as I can remember. I’m a GenZ, so let me say this on a lighter note: since it’s possible to be in a ship without being on a literal ship, I can say friendship is my favourite ship. Makes sense?

Anyway, if we’re similar, chances are you place great importance on your friendships. You value, first the individual, then other non-negotiable factors such as communication, trust, loyalty, and genuine connection. You’re the kind that goes for quality over quantity; depth over superficiality. You understand the uniqueness of every friendship–how no two friendships are the same–and you appreciate this uniqueness.

For you, building true friendships involve more than just sharing common interests but sharing life with another, which takes dedication and effort. Most likely, you may disagree with those who think “Oh, but it’s not that deep.” Not because you’re the ‘perfect’ friend but because you’re intentional about being the ideal friend.

Because of this, you’re cautious about being too quick to label anyone as ‘friend’ because of some perceived (ephemeral) advantages like their social media presence, humour, beauty, wealth, style, or how compatible you seem together. Rather than assume, you first observe, communicate, then commit if need be.

For me, it took a while to reach that resolve of ‘depth over superficiality.’ Some experiences served their lessons; others, I had to unlearn. Bottom line is, friendship is not what I thought it was ten years ago.

However, there’s the other side of the coin—seasons. All friendships undergo seasons. Some of these events, often unplanned, could make either of you the changing friend or the one being changed toward; the distancing friend, or the one being distanced from; the one who is constantly reaching out or the one being constantly reached out to. My point is, at different times, we may find ourselves taking on different roles within our friendships-the supporter, advisor, listener, initiator, responder, challenger, comforter, cheerleader, and so forth.

Hence, friendship, in relation to seasons, have made me realize that “good or bad” is not the only way to categorise friendships. “Fleeting or enduring” is a rather fitting classification when it comes to seasons. So, regardless of the change—relocation, a new found faith, busy schedule, new priorities, evolving personalities, and whatnot, one would eventually see certain friendships for what they are: fleeting (here today, gone tomorrow) OR enduring (building to last).

Importantly, friendship is a mutual (and reciprocal) relationship. In the words of Jackie Hill Perry on an episode of the “With the Perry's podcast,” she said “how you show up as a friend help your friends become better friends.” When one person constantly invests effort while the other doesn't reciprocate, it can lead to frustration and imbalance in the relationship. I must empathize with those who have suffered friendship fallouts, I could only hope you do not close your heart entirely to the gift and potential of friendship in another. Sometimes, even in the most unlikely people.

In conclusion, there’s no stronger basis for friendship than in Christ. Friendship in Christ is deep-seated in purpose (Ecclesiastes 4:9), sacrificial love (John 15:13), brotherly affection (Romans 12:10) and selfless interest (Philippians 2:3) among others. As such, your female friends are not only your “girls” but your “sisters.” Likewise, your male friends are not only your “guys,” but your “brothers.”

Therefore, we can mirror an eternal bond as we look to Christ, our perfect example. This bond, although stronger than the ebbs and flow of seasons, requires us to play our parts individually and collectively.

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

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The next newsletter is about another type of ship😋. I hope to see you in two weeks!!

Yours in Quality time,

Adebola🦋.