Reassurance...

it’s okay to crave it.

I have this thing I do with my mum.

I’ll look her dead in the eye, with my best “innocent child” smile, and ask: “Mummy, do you love me?” I know the answer. I’ve known it since the womb. But honestly? I just love hearing it. Especially when she hits me with that signature Nigerian mother sarcasm that basically translates to: “If I didn't love you, would I be bearing your wahala (excesses)?”😂. Trust me, I have plenty.

Special feature: My favourite woman.

I am a “words of affirmation” girlie through and through. Love, for me, is something that needs to be clearly articulated. And consistently so. I don’t just want to guess how you feel about me; I want to hear it.

I want to know that even though we’ve known each other for years, you still let me know I occupy a significant space in your heart. I want to know that the “rating” is mutual. Reassurance is my thing: my guy.

According to the dictionary, it is simply the act of removing someone’s doubts or fears.

But lately, I’ve had to ask myself: Why does that tank run dry sometimes?

In a world where “life happens” and commitment feels like a high-stakes gamble, we tend to hand people our insecurities like a hot yam (and yam is so mid, by the way) and say, “Please, tell (show) me this isn't true.” Or, in my case, a gentle plea: “Remind me of what is true: Tell me again and again.”

The problem with (human) reassurance, however, is that it has a very short shelf life. It’s like eating sugar; you get the rush, the doubt subsides for an hour or a day, and then the “what ifs” start creeping back in.

What if they’re just saying that because they’re being nice?
What if their feelings changed since the last time we spoke?
What if I’ve finally become “too much?”

Recently, it was in the middle of this internal tug-of-war that the Holy Spirit whispered a thought to me that shifted my entire perspective:

Anyone who craves reassurance cannot be far away from reminders.

Whew. That was a whole corrective posture right there.

Even God understands this human need for repetition, which is why Scripture is a massive, beautiful collection of reassurance. “I will never leave you.” “I am with you.” “Fear not.” “You are Mine.” God doesn't say it once and expect our finite minds to hold it forever; He puts it on a loop because He knows we are prone to spiritual and emotional amnesia.

Now, what are the reminders you cannot be far away from?

First, your identity.

If your identity is in Christ, you didn’t audition for this role. Grace cast you. The One who chose you isn't petty or vindictive. When you remember you’re “rated” by the Creator, human validation stops being a survival requirement and starts being a sweet, added bonus.

Also, remember track records, too.

We have to be fair to the people in our lives, for real. No one can give 100% every single day—they can’t even do that for themselves! Unless there’s a clear, consistent reason to stop believing they care, don’t. Don't “cancel” people for the crime of being humanly unavailable sometimes. If they showed up before, revel in it. If the thought keeps bugging you, communicate it.

Our craving for reassurance isn’t a flaw. I believe it’s a pointer to something much deeper.

We often think the solution is finding the “perfect” person who says (or does) the right things at the right time. But even when, for example, the “dream partner” comes into your life, and they speak your one million love languages, and their last name is “Reassurance,” I promise you, it still wouldn’t be enough.

Why? Because the human heart has a God-sized void that words of affirmation were never meant to fill completely. Words of affirmation are beautiful, but the “Word of Truth” is foundational.

Stay with your Bible, read your old journals (or whatevel, sit quietly with your Father. You don’t need a new reason to feel loved; you just need to remember the eternal ones you already have.

They say reassurance hits differently when it’s not requested…when it just finds you right where you are. That is the heart of God right there. He didn’t wait for us to ask; He loved us first. He chose us first. And the best part? He chooses us eternally.

Be rest assured. 🤍

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💌. Hey, wonderful people. . .

Two weeks no see, huh? Your girl is currently in the midst of a very peculiar season. Between the craze of preparing for another set of Pharmacy school exams and just… life, it’s been a lot. I’m slipping this special newsletter into your inbox today because these thoughts have been sitting on my mind for a while, and honestly, I wanted to give you a valid reason for my recent inconsistency.

I’m actually supposed to be scheduling a few “Valentine-esque” newsletters right now, as usual (and trust me, I have ideasss!), but sadly, I won't be off the hook of exams until the 20th of February. So, bear with me.

But…leave some room for surprises, though. I’ll be in touch. Pray for me, too. 🥹

Yours in Quality Time,
Adébọ́lá. 🦋