Physical touch...
The other day, my friend, Temi was celebrating her birthday, and I couldn’t help but give her a special shout-out for being one of the reasons I now tolerate hugs—and, dare I say, enjoy them for more than two seconds.
You see, like most of my close friends, Temi’s a hugger. I’m not. When we first met in 2021 and she'd want to give me a random tight hug, in my mind, I’d always be like “What’s wrong with this one?”
But over time, those big, warm hugs started to grow on me, and the height difference is a plus (She's 5'10, and I'm about 5'5). Maybe that’s why I tell her I’m using her as a ‘point of contact’ for my preferred height ratio in a relationship, but I digress.
For a long time, I wasn’t the hug-hug, blow-kisses, hold-your-hand type of friend. I had (and still have) a “don’t touch me unnecessarily” policy. Because why must you touch people in someway just to make a point?
Every time someone gets too close, I flinch. If it's to smile or give you an encouragement, call me there. But don’t invade my space by getting any closer, especially if I'm yet to be comfortable around you.
The other day, I was blowing my best friend a kiss on a video call, she laughs and then says, “When did you even start all these ones?” Also, I remember another time I gave one of my male friends a hug and with a big smile on his face, he went, “Debola hugged me?!”
My physical touch game 🤝🏿bad PR.
My friends always joke about, “So, what’s going to happen when you eventually sign for a lifetime of physical touch (in marriage), when your body is no longer only yours?” And honestly, my heart will race just thinking about it.
Abeg o, let's be calming down.1
The idea of crossing that physical touch line from a platonic context where I'm still finding my footing to a deeper level of intimacy where it’s necessary feels like such a big deal (and indeed it is).
But you know what? I guess recently, I’m beginning to grow more into the thought. Clap for me. I now give and receive hugs more than I used to (even if it's a side-hug).
I think I might just like physical touch a little bit. On my own terms, though. And thank God I still have that autonomy. For now, my body is the Lord’s, and in some way, mine.
It is the Lord’s, in that it is submitted to His Lordship. But it is mine to steward. And when the time comes to let another in, in a deeper, more intimate, one-flesh context, then… Songs of Solomon to the rescue? I don't know.
Let me also add that I recognize that what I’ve written about physical touch is probably a lot more than what the concept actually entails. It’s not my primary love language, so what do I really know? Forgive me, o thou expert.
Finally, I hope this letter reminds you that growth is possible, even when it feels awkward at first. And that’s okay. These moments of vulnerability are supposed to bring us closer to the heart of people who matter most.
I hope that whether you flinch at a hug or not, you know that vulnerability is a journey.
Hugs?🫂
Addendum: And to those of you who randomly or playfully touch people you're in weird places… why on earth are you smacking someone elses’ bum? What kind of sick joke is that? Tsk.
💌: Happy new month, everyone. Welcome to the second quarter of the year. This letter wasn't planned, but I decided to make the most of the holiday to write you something.
I pray that the Lord, who is your Shepherd, will be gracious to you this month in every way. Please be kind to yourself. 💛
Yours in Quality Time, Adebola. 🦋
Let's take it easy
Hey. Thank you so much for sharing I used to dislike hugs a lot too.
Now I think that as life gets tougher I'm more receptive to hugs a whole lot more.
I actually thought that you were the person looking like the hugged one in that picture! The irony indeed!🤣
But yeah, I can relate to this. Thanks to my friend, hugs are growing on me.